Profile
Age: ?
School: ?
Birthday: ?
Archives
6/21/09 - 6/28/09
6/28/09 - 7/5/09
7/5/09 - 7/12/09
7/12/09 - 7/19/09
7/19/09 - 7/26/09
7/26/09 - 8/2/09
8/2/09 - 8/9/09
8/9/09 - 8/16/09
8/16/09 - 8/23/09
8/23/09 - 8/30/09
9/13/09 - 9/20/09
10/11/09 - 10/18/09
10/18/09 - 10/25/09
10/25/09 - 11/1/09
11/8/09 - 11/15/09
11/15/09 - 11/22/09
2/7/10 - 2/14/10
7/3/11 - 7/10/11
Links
Link
Link
Link
Tagboard
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Today will be my last working day at my current location.I will be on OFF on Monday and will be reporting to work at my new location on Tuesday.Said my goodbye's to some people yesterday morning.I went over to my new work place in the afternoon to assist them in doing a few system transaction.I was there from 14:30 till 17:00 .The transaction took just 15mins but due to their busy schedule ,i had to wait.Yup i saw a few familiar faces there.Chatted with and old colleague from my army days.Lols..he was a 3SG when i know him ,now he's a SSG surpassing my own rank.
Jokingly i said to him "Eh ,so now i must call you Encik la?"
Laughing,he said something like what i always preach...Rank is just temporary...
Yes i did talk to HIM a few sentence i guess.
Yes i went to HIS store and check the Serial Number.
Yes HE said "Adios" to me before i leave.
Yes HE replied ONE msg.
No HE never reply the next TWO msg.
Thank you for not replying it makes things much more easier for me.
However i always believe that One Should be Gentlemen enough to settle Issues.
Yesterday is Today's History
Today is Yesterday's Tomorrow
Tomorrow is Today's Future.
b3z
Jokingly i said to him "Eh ,so now i must call you Encik la?"
Laughing,he said something like what i always preach...Rank is just temporary...
Yes i did talk to HIM a few sentence i guess.
Yes i went to HIS store and check the Serial Number.
Yes HE said "Adios" to me before i leave.
Yes HE replied ONE msg.
No HE never reply the next TWO msg.
Thank you for not replying it makes things much more easier for me.
However i always believe that One Should be Gentlemen enough to settle Issues.
Yesterday is Today's History
Today is Yesterday's Tomorrow
Tomorrow is Today's Future.
b3z
Friday, June 26, 2009
Only one.The one and only...There can never be a Second one...
No can can replace Sayang...Really no one...
I 've let Sayang go...Sayang never come back to me...
So i have to forget Sayang...
Yes both of us are going to work at the same place soon...
But after what i saw today, i think i shouldn't have any problem.
Sayang had blended well with the people there...
I will be in office doing all the accounts and admin so we won't have direct contact...
Hopefully in a few weeks time, everything is sorted out...
Sayang with immediate effect,since there have been no respond from you for 4weeks...
I treat as we had officially break off...
I will be shedding of any remaining feelings that i had for you in the next couple of days...
It's been hard for me but i have to take it...
I know Sayang don't know i have this blog...It's best if Sayang never get to know about it.
In fact only a handful of my friends know i have this blog...
The purpose of me writing is to just express myself...
I got no one to talk to anymore...
No one that understand and no one that care...
People may think i am crazy...
One day,the same thing will happen to them...
Some people just judge and come to an immediate conclusion without analysing...
I always say "If you have any doubt about anything,Ask and you'll be enlighten"
I don't like to leave things hanging in the air...
Right now,there is only one thing left hanging in the air...
I don't think i am able to clear 1 issue...
This will be the only thing in the last 12years that i am unable to resolve...
I failed...It ok,we learn from our mistakes...and move on...
Rest assured that i will not mention any names...
To protect the identity of people involve and for my own privacy...
b3z
No can can replace Sayang...Really no one...
I 've let Sayang go...Sayang never come back to me...
So i have to forget Sayang...
Yes both of us are going to work at the same place soon...
But after what i saw today, i think i shouldn't have any problem.
Sayang had blended well with the people there...
I will be in office doing all the accounts and admin so we won't have direct contact...
Hopefully in a few weeks time, everything is sorted out...
Sayang with immediate effect,since there have been no respond from you for 4weeks...
I treat as we had officially break off...
I will be shedding of any remaining feelings that i had for you in the next couple of days...
It's been hard for me but i have to take it...
I know Sayang don't know i have this blog...It's best if Sayang never get to know about it.
In fact only a handful of my friends know i have this blog...
The purpose of me writing is to just express myself...
I got no one to talk to anymore...
No one that understand and no one that care...
People may think i am crazy...
One day,the same thing will happen to them...
Some people just judge and come to an immediate conclusion without analysing...
I always say "If you have any doubt about anything,Ask and you'll be enlighten"
I don't like to leave things hanging in the air...
Right now,there is only one thing left hanging in the air...
I don't think i am able to clear 1 issue...
This will be the only thing in the last 12years that i am unable to resolve...
I failed...It ok,we learn from our mistakes...and move on...
Rest assured that i will not mention any names...
To protect the identity of people involve and for my own privacy...
b3z
Thursday, June 25, 2009
In life there should be someone giving and someone taking...
I know most of the time i am giving...
I had give in a lot of times...
I was taught to accept mistakes and admit...
I was taught to listen and analyse...
I was taught to identify problems...
I was taught on how to communicate...
I was taught to be humble...
I was also taught on how to be tough...
But i feel that i had failed to establish communication after accepting and admitting my mistakes hoping to identify the problems by listening so that i can analyse the issue and not repeat the same mistakes again...
Oh well, everyday is a learning day,we only stop learning the day we die...
So what's up today you might ask...Hmmm lets see...
No pain(most of the day 95%),
Saw Sayang(30-45mins),
Discovered that someone knows something that they not suppose to know(20mins before day end),
Overall its almost a good day.
Yup this saturday will be last working day at the current location.
Been here since march/april last year , its sad to leave friends behind...haiz
New place,new friends...everything new....sian
No i did not request for the new posting...
No it was not projected...
I was silently "forced" out by the Queens...
Haiz...that's all for now...
b3z
I know most of the time i am giving...
I had give in a lot of times...
I was taught to accept mistakes and admit...
I was taught to listen and analyse...
I was taught to identify problems...
I was taught on how to communicate...
I was taught to be humble...
I was also taught on how to be tough...
But i feel that i had failed to establish communication after accepting and admitting my mistakes hoping to identify the problems by listening so that i can analyse the issue and not repeat the same mistakes again...
Oh well, everyday is a learning day,we only stop learning the day we die...
So what's up today you might ask...Hmmm lets see...
No pain(most of the day 95%),
Saw Sayang(30-45mins),
Discovered that someone knows something that they not suppose to know(20mins before day end),
Overall its almost a good day.
Yup this saturday will be last working day at the current location.
Been here since march/april last year , its sad to leave friends behind...haiz
New place,new friends...everything new....sian
No i did not request for the new posting...
No it was not projected...
I was silently "forced" out by the Queens...
Haiz...that's all for now...
b3z
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Haiz...Stop whining and go see a specialist...
I have my reasons for delaying...
Call me whatever you want ,as far as i am concern,
My thinking is definately different from yours...
Everybody is different,so if i can't change your mind...
What makes you think, you can change mine??!!
In everybody's life there is definately something or someone that you are waiting for...
In everybody's life there is surely the special one that had slip off...
Mine slip off years ago...
Yup i am looking for her,hoping to just say "Hi hello,how are to?" to a friend that i lost nearly One half decades ago...
Oh well i just want to meet all my old friends and chit chat...
Seeing the school photo in my friend facebook,rekindle many old memories...
Got to go to work...
Hope today won' be so bad.
All my post are in general,not directing to anyone in particular,unless otherwise stated...
If you feel the pinch,oh well ,the pain is yours not mine...
I Don't care,I Don't know,I Don't want to know and I Don't give a DAMN!!
b3z
I have my reasons for delaying...
Call me whatever you want ,as far as i am concern,
My thinking is definately different from yours...
Everybody is different,so if i can't change your mind...
What makes you think, you can change mine??!!
In everybody's life there is definately something or someone that you are waiting for...
In everybody's life there is surely the special one that had slip off...
Mine slip off years ago...
Yup i am looking for her,hoping to just say "Hi hello,how are to?" to a friend that i lost nearly One half decades ago...
Oh well i just want to meet all my old friends and chit chat...
Seeing the school photo in my friend facebook,rekindle many old memories...
Got to go to work...
Hope today won' be so bad.
All my post are in general,not directing to anyone in particular,unless otherwise stated...
If you feel the pinch,oh well ,the pain is yours not mine...
I Don't care,I Don't know,I Don't want to know and I Don't give a DAMN!!
b3z
Excruciating pain...left leg twitching...right hip still "partying"...
Left,centre,right back very very tense...
Its all over the place...i thought i was stubborn,but this pain is more stubborn...
Pop in 3pills at noon....rest in my car for 30minutes...
Sat at once corner of the washing bay trying to channel the pain away...
Went back to office because of some laptop issues...
"Why you look like a dead fish?" a colleague asked...i turned and look at her ,answering her question minutes later ..."I--t-o-o-k-- p-a-i-n k-i-l-l-e-r-- a-n-d-- m-u-s-c-l-e-- r-e-l-a-x-e-r"
Draging my words...
From 9am i endure...by noon i give up and surrender to medication...
It subside up to now 830pm...
A friend posted this in her facebook...it makes sense...
"Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about"
For now let me battle this pain...
b3z
Left,centre,right back very very tense...
Its all over the place...i thought i was stubborn,but this pain is more stubborn...
Pop in 3pills at noon....rest in my car for 30minutes...
Sat at once corner of the washing bay trying to channel the pain away...
Went back to office because of some laptop issues...
"Why you look like a dead fish?" a colleague asked...i turned and look at her ,answering her question minutes later ..."I--t-o-o-k-- p-a-i-n k-i-l-l-e-r-- a-n-d-- m-u-s-c-l-e-- r-e-l-a-x-e-r"
Draging my words...
From 9am i endure...by noon i give up and surrender to medication...
It subside up to now 830pm...
A friend posted this in her facebook...it makes sense...
"Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about"
For now let me battle this pain...
b3z
As the seconds went by i get more and more anxious about my future...
By end of today,i am left with 4.5 working days at my current place...
Slept at 2am...woke up at 330am...sleep again then wake up at 430am and never sleep since.. What happen to me?Haiz i am unable to answer that...
Is the sleepless nights back again?
Is the 'not hungry' phase back too?
I told myself that i am giving myself till end august...
If i can't sort my problems,i guess i should leave and find a new environment...
Ok enough said for this morning,going to work...
Will i have a good day?
I let you know in the evening...
b3z
By end of today,i am left with 4.5 working days at my current place...
Slept at 2am...woke up at 330am...sleep again then wake up at 430am and never sleep since.. What happen to me?Haiz i am unable to answer that...
Is the sleepless nights back again?
Is the 'not hungry' phase back too?
I told myself that i am giving myself till end august...
If i can't sort my problems,i guess i should leave and find a new environment...
Ok enough said for this morning,going to work...
Will i have a good day?
I let you know in the evening...
b3z
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
0825 to 0845 Spent 20mins seaching for parking lot...
0900 to 1030 Manage to find things to do IW39 Yeah!!!!
1030 to 1200 Have to take a break because the pain is "partying" on my right hip...:(
1200 to 1330 Went for lunch with RL.
1330 to 1500 Drew a picture of kampung lifestyle..well the ES is down so i can't continue with work....
1500 to 1700 Pretend to be busy??
1700 to 1730 Anxiously waiting to punch out hahaha
However today is really a weird day for me.
Yes i wanted to say "Hi" but what the reaction will be?
By pass each other a few times...nothing..
I guess its fated...
I will keep saying sorry everyday if that is what required because i know its my fault....
I am left with 6 working days at my current location...
I will leave with a heavy heart,knowing that i made a mistake,mistake that still not forgiven...
I leave heavy heart..i reach(new place) my heart will drop..haiz....
I wish i can continue wearing the 10strips...with that on i won't have such issues..
I am much stronger(mentally) in it..
We shall see what tomorrow is....
Tomorrow is yesterday's, today
0900 to 1030 Manage to find things to do IW39 Yeah!!!!
1030 to 1200 Have to take a break because the pain is "partying" on my right hip...:(
1200 to 1330 Went for lunch with RL.
1330 to 1500 Drew a picture of kampung lifestyle..well the ES is down so i can't continue with work....
1500 to 1700 Pretend to be busy??
1700 to 1730 Anxiously waiting to punch out hahaha
However today is really a weird day for me.
Yes i wanted to say "Hi" but what the reaction will be?
By pass each other a few times...nothing..
I guess its fated...
I will keep saying sorry everyday if that is what required because i know its my fault....
I am left with 6 working days at my current location...
I will leave with a heavy heart,knowing that i made a mistake,mistake that still not forgiven...
I leave heavy heart..i reach(new place) my heart will drop..haiz....
I wish i can continue wearing the 10strips...with that on i won't have such issues..
I am much stronger(mentally) in it..
We shall see what tomorrow is....
Tomorrow is yesterday's, today
Wake up at 0530hrs...As usual...
Mind still mess up with all the issues...
Yes my back pain come back again this morning...
I got the pills on standby...
I lost alot of things this past few months...
Can't affort to loose anything anymore...
I should just stay away from everybody...
Nobody Understands me,Nobody knows what i want...
Nobody cares about what i want...
I wanted to resign and run far far away from everybody...
Rank/Designation is just a structure,it gives you temporary powers
Don't flaunt it,don't go overboard,
The person you hate most,could be your next boss...
b3z
Mind still mess up with all the issues...
Yes my back pain come back again this morning...
I got the pills on standby...
I lost alot of things this past few months...
Can't affort to loose anything anymore...
I should just stay away from everybody...
Nobody Understands me,Nobody knows what i want...
Nobody cares about what i want...
I wanted to resign and run far far away from everybody...
Rank/Designation is just a structure,it gives you temporary powers
Don't flaunt it,don't go overboard,
The person you hate most,could be your next boss...
b3z
Monday, June 22, 2009
Today i msn with my school friend Amy...
She talk to me about my back pain...
Never knew it could be so serious...
Ya the symptoms are there...
The question is,do i dare to hear the results once i go for futhur check up?...
I have to be hospitalised..the last time i undergo surgery...i want to leave almost immediately...
I just don't like my friends, family members and relatives to see me on the bed in pain...
Truthfully i hate all type of pain....but i will endure it to my maximum level...
I endure my back pain for 4 weeks before i went to see my Dr...
Even up to now i still have pain on my hips and legs....
I extract this from the site:
"Symptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation, sciatica, spinal stenosis, degenerative spondylolisthesis, and degenerative scoliosis all of which are discussed in further detail below. Pain associated with disc degeneration may be felt locally in the back or at a distance away. This called referred pain, as the pain is not felt at its site of origin. Lower back arthritis may be felt as pain in the buttock, hips, groin, and thighs. As with spinal stenosis or disc herniation in the lumbar region, it is important to be aware of any bowel or bladder incontinence, or numbness in the perianal area. These signs and symptoms could represent an impSymptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation,. These signs and syptoms could represent an important massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention ortant massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention "
So what shall i do now?
As always,ignore first worry later?But i am getting older ...how long to delay?
Undecided,just let fate decide lor...
Thanks Amy...
b3z
She talk to me about my back pain...
Never knew it could be so serious...
Ya the symptoms are there...
The question is,do i dare to hear the results once i go for futhur check up?...
I have to be hospitalised..the last time i undergo surgery...i want to leave almost immediately...
I just don't like my friends, family members and relatives to see me on the bed in pain...
Truthfully i hate all type of pain....but i will endure it to my maximum level...
I endure my back pain for 4 weeks before i went to see my Dr...
Even up to now i still have pain on my hips and legs....
I extract this from the site:
"Symptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation, sciatica, spinal stenosis, degenerative spondylolisthesis, and degenerative scoliosis all of which are discussed in further detail below. Pain associated with disc degeneration may be felt locally in the back or at a distance away. This called referred pain, as the pain is not felt at its site of origin. Lower back arthritis may be felt as pain in the buttock, hips, groin, and thighs. As with spinal stenosis or disc herniation in the lumbar region, it is important to be aware of any bowel or bladder incontinence, or numbness in the perianal area. These signs and symptoms could represent an impSymptoms of lumbar spondylosis follow those associated with each of the various aspects of the disorder: disc herniation,. These signs and syptoms could represent an important massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention ortant massive nerve compression needing surgical intervention "
So what shall i do now?
As always,ignore first worry later?But i am getting older ...how long to delay?
Undecided,just let fate decide lor...
Thanks Amy...
b3z
Today is a very bad day for me....i sent sayang an sms in the morning at 10:47...no reply..
I told myself, it's ok,sayang's probably busy..
I try to focus myself away from sayang by talking to one of our new staff.He is different but almost the same.
However some of my actions and words upset him...haiz..
I drop him an sms apologising to him but i don't think he received it...
I am sad that i made him upset....I am Sorry...
I am now in a recovery phase,i really am trying very hard to forget my sayang....when my sayang never reply me i know that it had gone down the drain....I am still sad with my own situation...i though having someone who resemble him could cure part of my pain...I don't expect anything from the carbon copy...i just want to forget sayang,that's all.That's all.
I'll be resigning from my job soon....I guess that's the only way to forget everything and everybody...
I am jinx to everybody...i am the caused of 2 friends arguing...
I am the caused of 2 couple arguing frequently...
I am the caused of people getting reprimand for not doing thier job....
It is not only a bad day..it's a bad year overall....
I am in pain,internally...i am taking my pills...not because of my pain...
I hope when i wake up,if i wake up that is...i will feel different.
Again i am sorry to everyone that is involve..JK I really am sorry....
Sayang....i miss sayang alot and still sayang sayang.......Sayang....
b3z
I told myself, it's ok,sayang's probably busy..
I try to focus myself away from sayang by talking to one of our new staff.He is different but almost the same.
However some of my actions and words upset him...haiz..
I drop him an sms apologising to him but i don't think he received it...
I am sad that i made him upset....I am Sorry...
I am now in a recovery phase,i really am trying very hard to forget my sayang....when my sayang never reply me i know that it had gone down the drain....I am still sad with my own situation...i though having someone who resemble him could cure part of my pain...I don't expect anything from the carbon copy...i just want to forget sayang,that's all.That's all.
I'll be resigning from my job soon....I guess that's the only way to forget everything and everybody...
I am jinx to everybody...i am the caused of 2 friends arguing...
I am the caused of 2 couple arguing frequently...
I am the caused of people getting reprimand for not doing thier job....
It is not only a bad day..it's a bad year overall....
I am in pain,internally...i am taking my pills...not because of my pain...
I hope when i wake up,if i wake up that is...i will feel different.
Again i am sorry to everyone that is involve..JK I really am sorry....
Sayang....i miss sayang alot and still sayang sayang.......Sayang....
b3z
JK I am really sorry if what i have done and said make you upset.I didn't mean it to be that way.Hope you accept my Sincere apology.I now know what to do.Since you feel uneasy,i shall keep a distance away from you.Thank you for being a nice friend for this past week.Thank you for helping me out with this blog set up.Thank you and once again i am sorry.
b3z
b3z
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Sayang I really miss Sayang a lot…
When will Sayang give me the answer?
I still Sayang Sayang alot…
Why Sayang in silence…
I can’t endure it anymore Sayang...
I know it’s a one way traffic ....
But I do hope that one day Sayang will Sayang me back….
Sayang I really really really MISS SAYANG A LOT…..
I last saw Sayang on the 2nd of June….
I can’t endure this any more Sayang…
I know we are taking a break until Sayang are ready again.
But how long must I wait for you Sayang?
I have no one that understand my feelings…
All of them says I am wasting my time on Sayang…
Now I know the meaning of Love is Blind ,Really.
I know Sayang is stress
I know Sayang is thinking of a lot of thing
But Sayang ,
All I want from Sayang is a little bit of effort
Even if Sayang are just pretending….
Sayang all I need is just a reply from Sayang
If Sayang decide to end it,I will take it with a heavy heart.
Sayang I didn’t mean to ask Sayang for a break…
Its just that I can’t Endure anymore.
I am very disappointed but who am I to complain?
I don’t know where I stand in Sayang heart.
I will remember 19th May 2009 1620hrs forever Sayang….
I will remember 2nd May 2009 0053hrs forever Sayang…
I will remember 11th May 2009 1930hrs forever Sayang…
Sayang called me Sayang 33 times
1st June is the last time Sayang called me Sayang…..
Sayang I miss Sayang every seconds of the day,
When will Sayang come back to me?
Every night tears flow down my cheeks,
Thinking of Sayang…
I know Sayang won't be able to read this because no one knows i have a blog...
Sayang i need Sayang...
Sayang i miss Sayang...
Sayang i Sayang Sayang...
Sayang where are Sayang now...
Sayang my Sayang...Sayang Sayang always
Sayang will always remain in my heart.......
b3z
When will Sayang give me the answer?
I still Sayang Sayang alot…
Why Sayang in silence…
I can’t endure it anymore Sayang...
I know it’s a one way traffic ....
But I do hope that one day Sayang will Sayang me back….
Sayang I really really really MISS SAYANG A LOT…..
I last saw Sayang on the 2nd of June….
I can’t endure this any more Sayang…
I know we are taking a break until Sayang are ready again.
But how long must I wait for you Sayang?
I have no one that understand my feelings…
All of them says I am wasting my time on Sayang…
Now I know the meaning of Love is Blind ,Really.
I know Sayang is stress
I know Sayang is thinking of a lot of thing
But Sayang ,
All I want from Sayang is a little bit of effort
Even if Sayang are just pretending….
Sayang all I need is just a reply from Sayang
If Sayang decide to end it,I will take it with a heavy heart.
Sayang I didn’t mean to ask Sayang for a break…
Its just that I can’t Endure anymore.
I am very disappointed but who am I to complain?
I don’t know where I stand in Sayang heart.
I will remember 19th May 2009 1620hrs forever Sayang….
I will remember 2nd May 2009 0053hrs forever Sayang…
I will remember 11th May 2009 1930hrs forever Sayang…
Sayang called me Sayang 33 times
1st June is the last time Sayang called me Sayang…..
Sayang I miss Sayang every seconds of the day,
When will Sayang come back to me?
Every night tears flow down my cheeks,
Thinking of Sayang…
I know Sayang won't be able to read this because no one knows i have a blog...
Sayang i need Sayang...
Sayang i miss Sayang...
Sayang i Sayang Sayang...
Sayang where are Sayang now...
Sayang my Sayang...Sayang Sayang always
Sayang will always remain in my heart.......
b3z